i bet hell is just like on earth except you have to live your life looking like you did in 7th grade
I had a stalker while filming a movie in Spain last year. She stood outside of...– Robert Pattinson (via klsekelsey)
How to stay in a relationship.
They say: we need to talk
you: no we don't.
highfunctioningdarklordofall: Tonight I went to see Snow White and the Huntsman, and on my way into the theatre a kid about 4 or 5 years old shouts “MOM! MOM! IT’S BATMAN!” because I was wearing my shirt with the bat-symbol on it. So I got down on one knee and asked him if he’d seen the Joker, and he pointed into the theatre. I said thanks, and as I started to go in he said “Thanks for keeping...
jennycraigslist: when im acting really sassy my mom tells me to “put a little less dressing on that attitude salad”
you don’t know pain unless you’ve tied your hair with a rubberband and then tried to take it out
poptart-chan: who needs the olympics when you could watch the fry cook games
My Princess, I am coming to save me from without you.– Matt Copeland, from “To the Princess Japanese, and Her Award-Winning Breath” (via helplesslyamazed)
izzetheking: I bought condoms today at walmart so the cashier would be like Wow your probably a really cool guy because your buying condoms which means you probably have a girlfriend. But in actuality I’m very lonely with no girlfriend and now I’m blowing up the condoms like a balloon until they pop and crying because it startles me everytime it pops.
There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’
styleswhore: willow smith is 10 and she’s worth $4 million i’m fifteen and i’m worth a piece of confetti at the olympics